Small thoughts on 2024. Part 2. Jack ❤️
Reflecting on this year inevitably made me think of all the failings of the system (part one)
So, I wanted to write a separate part, just about Jack.
Two Christmasses ago, before Vicky & Joanne zoomed into our lives, I remember trying to help Jack be interested in opening his Christmas presents.
He seemed oblivious to them.
I think he actually took the iPad and sat on the stairs.
He didn’t sit for dinner.
It was hard not to feel a little bit scared of the future.
Two years on, I still wrapped up his presents, but this time with the expectation his older brother would enjoy opening them. He could then lay them out for Jack to explore.
They both enjoyed the opportunities this presented. It also connected them as brothers.
I left a couple of things rolled up in paper for Jack to explore, so there was no pressure to manipulate tape etc.
He pulled at a couple.
It all worked.
Throughout the day he played a drum, blew a trumpet, played a keyboard, kicked down bricks and explored different magnetic toys.
I put a bowl of alphabites on the table with Christmas dinner.
He sat at table and wore all the paper hats, laughing as then tore them all up.
Despite me ending up in hospital, this Christmas was still a true celebration of a year of #teamJack.
Jack continues to play with his favourite magnatiles.
So I brought more for Christmas - with tiny cars in. He wasn’t so fussed about these.
More tiles and new colours appealed though.
When Jack started playing with the magnatiles he would stack them. This has always been alluded to as a sign of his rigid play.
Suggestions were made to move them out of his sight, in order to encourage him to play with different things.
One the many things I have learnt through working with Vicky and Joanne is the power in doing less. Jack didn’t need to be made to play with more things to learn. He needed to play with one thing really comfortably & we could lean into that.
At some point this year, I also read a post by Divergentlives talking about reframing terms like ‘rigid behaviour’ for so many validating reasons.
One point on the slides that stood out to me was rigid could be amongst other things reframed as ‘refining and redefining’. When you hyper focus on a detail or concept and create or redefine it like no one else can’
There is far more beauty in seeing a child refine and redefine their play than it is to decide it is rigid.
Overtime, as his motor skills develop, Jack has refined and redefined how he plays with the tiles.
This year stacking tiles has turned into building 3D shapes, cubes, towers and he’s also put them on wheels. They’ve become cutlery, he’s built holders for water bottles, crisps and filled the shapes with other things he finds.
He smiles as he builds now. You can see there is purpose in what he’s building. A richness to his play. I find myself recognising the joy he find in the colours, the shapes, the feeling of them on his teeth and the rhythm of the building.
Jacks interests give him the potential to think about colour,numbers, letters, shape, size, language and even imaginary play through that one activity.
‘Rigid’ can get in the bin. Space and time has given Jack a chance to expand his play all by himself.
So, I give more tiles rather than less.
We have them scattered around the house.
I think about what Jack could go on to do because of the interests - as he builds / designs / organises / creates.
The magnatiles are a nice representation of how Jack is living his life. Slowly but steadily building skills, trying new things out, exploring and testing himself.
He has also used spoken words at times 🥰
Once upon a time, I would have expected to write reams about how much of a big deal that is.
It is of course.
It is beautiful.
He sat on my lap once and said hug. I told him I loved him and he said love back.
I had to use everything within me not to scream out in joy.
Joanne said something once that late talkers are super sensitive. I instantly remembered the moment he waved & I screamed in joy. He never did it again.
So, I have learnt to play it cool ever since.
I actually think since working with Vicky & Joanne I have oddly come to expect language less.
I believe Jack will continue to talk. I also believe the journey will be a slow stroll rather than a sprint. So, I have learnt to stop and smell the roses instead.
I remember watching him navigating stepping stones over the summer with his peers. They took seconds and he took minutes to work it out.
If I think about that as an act of producing speech, it is quite logical that he’s not throwing out words.
It’s going to take him a while.
So, it is why the following are upon reflection greater causes for celebration than I really appreciated at the time.
This year, Jack has learnt to dress himself, navigated getting to school and home without always needing to hold my hand, walked on balance beams and ropes, gone swimming, learnt to coordinate his tongue post tongue tie, made marks on paper, used a scooter, joined in ball games, helped with cooking, learnt to operate the airfryer, a hair dryer, a toaster, run his own bath, put spread on toast, understand turn taking, gone on planes, swam in the sea, used cutlery, embraced new sounds, tested his own sensory boundaries, met his own needs in new spaces.
Those are just the things off the top of my head.
This year, despite everything, #teamJack has created the time and space for Jack to build the base of his jenga tower.
It is strong.
Just like Jack.
I had dinner before posting this.
I caught my boys on camera playing together.
There were a couple of moments where I thought I might cry, because without words there were moments where there was just natural, joyful, anything but rigid play and mostly there was clearly love.
Earlier, I asked his older brother what he thought Jacks greatest achievement was this year. He couldn’t decide & in the end decided that it was just being Jack.
What a way to sum it up ❤️
He is doing life at his own pace & creating his own path to walk.
I couldn’t be prouder to walk alongside him or happier to get to be his mum.